One day a small opening appeared on a cocoon. A man sat and waited by the butterfly as it struggled to get out of the cocoon, as it forced its body through the newly formed little hole. Then it seemed to stop making progress.

It appeared to the man to have gotten as far as it could. So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped through the remaining cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, though it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand and would be able to support the body that would contract in time. But to his surprise, neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with the swollen body and shriveled wings. It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness did not understand was that the struggle was required for that butterfly to get through the tiny opening in its restrictive cocoon. This process was nature’s way of forcing the fluid from the body into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

When you are facing obstacles and challenges, you may have lots of “well-meaning” family and friends looking to take their scissors and snip you out of your cocoon of struggle. No one likes difficult challenges or adversities, so you want rid of them as soon as possible. You and your well-meaning family and friends will do anything to break the cocoon before its time. But just like the caterpillar in the story, you must go through the struggle to get through the struggle. If you come through too soon, without having learned much needed lessons, you will continue your life’s journey swollen and shriveled; depleted of what is needed to move forward in your life.

We all want to experience the pleasantries of life, hoping to avoid the unpleasant parts. But this is not how life works. Life must dole out unpleasant experiences to strengthen us, to give us courage and confidence, and make us the powerful divine beings we were created to be. If there was no rain, we would not have beautiful flowers or vegetation. We also would not appreciate the sunshine as much.

How do we really know when we have grown spiritually, emotionally and intellectually? We know when we have grown physically – our clothes become too tight! But what is the benchmark of a spiritually mature person or an emotionally mature person? It is by the lessons learned during those moments of trial and tragedy. Also, by how those lessons are turned around to better the life of the person and those around them.

“He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.” ~ Aeschylus

The Greek tragedian Aeschylus phrased it so beautifully. In order for the caterpillar to become the butterfly, he had to first suffer. It had to go through the struggle of liquefying – which was nature’s way of creating the glorious wings. We too, must go through a process of liquefying – a letting go, a surrendering, an emptying of the excess baggage that holds us back and keeps us stuck.

Aeschylus goes on to say that through all of the struggle, the heartbreak and the heartache, wisdom does come to us. We come to a deeper level of awareness, one we would never have known if we had not struggled and surrendered. In surrendering, we let go of what no longer serves us to make room for what will ultimately serve us well. We cannot receive more if our own vessel is full to the brim. We must empty some out to make room for the new. We must let go of being a caterpillar to become a beautiful butterfly.

Yes, our bodies are equipped to adapt when stressors come our way or life gets trying. Our bodies can switch on via our nervous system. The problem is our minds have no such mechanisms and we have not been trained or taught how to think when times are bleak. All we know to do is fight, flight or freeze. Se, we react out of fear, run away or distract ourselves, or do nothing. None of these are helpful when we need to keep moving during the darker times.

The easiest way is to put strategies into place when things are going well; but most people won’t do this. They wait until the car breaks down before getting a tune up. Our bodies and our lives, like our cars and our computers, must have consistent check ups and tune ups. Just as we go to have an annual medical check up, we need to adopt the same strategy for our minds. So when things get dark – a job loss, a divorce or break up, a financial setback, or the death of a loved one – what will you do to keep yourself motivated to accomplish the tasks that must get done? Most especially if you have someone depending on you, like small children or elderly relatives?

The solution is to not wait until something happens that will knock you off kilter; put practices and strategies in place now, during the brighter moments when you are more focused and can see and think clearly. Because I guarantee that when those bleak moments come, and they come to us all, you will not think or see as clearly or even focus on your tasks at hand. It is like having insurance. You don’t need it in the moment but you want to have it when you do need it. If you can put practices into place now, you will be more equipped when the dark times do come to visit.

The first practice is simply to stop. Learning to take a sacred pause takes you out of your reactive mode, where you operate out of fear and worry. In the long run, this is not a great solution. Stopping must be your first practice. Then, breathe! Taking a few conscious, deep breaths brings you out of fear mode and into present moment thinking. When you are in fear mode, you don’t thin, you react – you do what you have always done. Breathing releases your natural pathways to re-discovery and re-connection to your inner wisdom. You innately know what needs to be done, but because you have been reacting all of your life and operating out of fear, that is what you know to do. Then, ask yourself some urgent questions, like:

“What is this adversity coming to teach me?”

“What am I meant to learn?”

“How can this situation strengthen me?”

“What inspired actions can I take right now?”

“Who can I call on for support?”

Stopping, taking a breath and asking are the first three practices for maneuvering during a setback. On the surface, these seem like simple steps, but in a time of crisis, you will need something simple yet profound to hold on to. When you can stay motivated to carry on during happy times – and make it a spiritual practice – then you won’t find yourself so desolate during the storms of life.

There are some things in life that you can change; but it is having the courage to make the change. The happy monk did his penance, but he shifted his focus. How was he going to do this penance with ease and peace? Now, some may think that it really wasn’t penance because he didn’t suffer. Well, that’s the point of the story. Life happens, pain and adversities come, but you don’t have to suffer; you can walk through those adversities with ease and grace. How? Well, you boil your peas! You soften your focus, your thinking, your heart. When adversities arise, they are placed in our paths to break our hearts until they stay broken open. But what tends to happen is we experience a tragedy, our hearts are broken, then once the tide has past, our hearts close and harden.

“God breaks the heart again and again and again, until it stays open.”

~ Hazrat Khan

God, grant me the serenity to accept the thing I cannot change;

the courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Just for today, mind your own story by changing they way you look at the tragedies and adversities in life. I don’t mean ignore or deny them; I do mean shift your thinking about them. They have not come to beat your down, they have not come to ruin you; they have come to make you a stronger, better YOU! But that cannot and will not happen if you see your pains as enemies to fight against and struggle with. When life deals you hard, dry peas, try boiling them instead and have a softer walk on this journey called life.

You have heard it said that when you point the finger of blame, there are three fingers pointing right back at you. It is so easy to blame our circumstances and external events when things in our lives just aren’t going well. It is the fault of the economy, the government, my boss, my spouse, my Golden Retriever, the list goes on. Yet, there is one person we seem to leave off that list; and all you need do is look in the mirror. Now, unless you are a vampire, you will be looking at yourself.

It is your choices that have created the situations you are dealing with in your life. I know we don’t like to hear this, because it was someone else’s doings and undoings that created this situation. That may be the case, but you still made the choice to become involved. We do have choice. We do not have to show up to every argument, drama or negativity that we are invited to. The invitations on those are flowing. Sometimes it’s okay to just stay home.

You have the power to choose… choose wisely!

I love this quote! It reminds me so much of The Guest House by the Sufi poet Rumi. Trouble, adversity, pain and grief are companions on the journey of life; and we had better know how to deal with it when it arrives. Don’t fight against it, it will only persist and get worse. Just let it come, deliver its message and be on its way.

The Guest House ~ Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

How do you treat your guests – the pleasant and the not so pleasant?

Using Your Pain to Help Others

You can channel your pain into helping others and spreading a tide of curative energy throughout the world.

Pain is a fact of being and one that permeates all of our lives to some degree.
Since the hurt we feel may be a part of the experiences that have touched us
most deeply, we are often loathe to let it go. It is frequently easier to keep
our pain at our sides, where it acts as a shield that shelters us from others
and gives us an identity—that of victim—from which we can draw bitter strength.
However, pain’s universality can also empower us to use our hurt to help others
heal. Since no pain is any greater or more profound than any other, what you
feel can give you the ability to help bring about the recovery of individuals
whose hurts are both similar to and vastly different from your own. You can
channel your pain into transformative and healing love that aids you in helping
individuals on a one-to-one basis and spreading a tide of curative energy
throughout the world.

The capacity to heal others evolves naturally within those who are ready to
disassociate themselves from their identity as victims. In fact, the simple
decision to put aside the pain we have carried is what grants us the strength
to redeem that pain through service. There are many ways to use the hurt you
feel to help others. Your pain gives you a unique insight into the minds of
people who have experienced trauma and heartache. You can draw from the
wellspring of strength that allowed you to emerge on the other side of a
painful experience and pass that strength to individuals still suffering from
their wounds. You may be able to council individuals in need by showing them
the coping methods that have helped you survive or simply by offering sympathy.
A kinship can develop that allows you to relate more closely with those you are
trying to aid and comfort.

Helping others can be a restorative experience that makes your own heart grow
stronger. In channeling your pain into compassionate service and watching
others successfully recover, you may feel a sense of euphoria that leads to
increased feelings of self-worth and optimism. Your courageous decision to
reach out to others can be the best way to declare to yourself and the world
that your pain didn’t defeat you, and in fact it helped you heal.

~ From The Daily OM

It is from my own daily issues with chronic pain and all of my losses in life that has paved the way for the work I do with women in transition and those dealing with grief and loss and pain. And it has definitely helped me in my healing process – and continues to do so every day.

New schools… new family dynamics… new relationships… new jobs… new bodies… new projects…new perspectives…

September has always been a season of change for me. As a mother, wife, daughter, teacher and business professional, many opportunities for development and growth seem to present themselves in September in almost every aspect of my life. It’s up to me to choose which paths to follow. And, whether the upcoming changes are welcome or not, there’s something unsettling about change. So I find clarity and guidance in journal writing.

I’ve come to know that change occurs in its own time. We can “do” all sorts of stuff to try and control what happens in our lives. We can plan for change. We can resist change. We can avoid change. We can try to accelerate change. And through it all, we experience a full spectrum of emotion – anticipation, excitement, anxiety, frustration, sadness, dread, elation and joy. Whether we decide change is “good” or “bad” is entirely up to each of us individually. So in the end, when the rubber meets the road, we only have control over HOW we act when circumstances change in our lives. And, if our actions are indeed manifestations of our thoughts, then effectively managing change is simply a matter of changing our perspectives. Isn’t that what change is all about?

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Transition is a shift – an actual movement of our physical, mental and/or spiritual selves from one point to another. Journal writing can help us create shape for the change occurring in our lives – ultimately helping transition in a healthy manner.

The following journal writing tools are perfect for navigating change:

1. Use the Brain Dump to Gain Clarity

To effectively navigate transition, we actually start with the ending of a previous event, relationship or state of being. Putting our thoughts on paper helps us release emotion. I recommend rising a half hour earlier than you normally do each day to write. Find a quiet place with pen and paper and just write. Write whatever comes to mind – without judgment, without editing and without re-reading. Write for 20 to 30 minutes every day for one week. Explore your feelings about what is ending in your life, what is on the horizon and how you might manage to move forward. When I decided to downsize my home, the task at first seemed overwhelming. Through journaling about what I would miss about my current home, I was able to better leave it behind without regret. I was also able to “brain dump” all the anxiety I had about transitioning to a smaller space.

1. Build Lists to Build Action

List building is a powerful tool that can be used to prioritize tasks and plan the steps necessary to navigate through the transitioning period. I suggest constructing three sets of lists; taken in total, they are centered on the health of your physical, mental and spiritual selves and are designed to keep you grounded through unsettling times of change.

• Five Actions: Identify 5 major actions you need to take to successfully make the change you are facing. For each of the 5 major actions, pen a list of tasks for each. For my home downsizing, I used my journal to list my main change categories based on area of the house such as bedrooms, kitchen and outdoor areas. Under each major category, list the functional tasks needed to accomplish your goal in that area.

• Three Self-Care Solutions: List 3 ways you will nurture yourself during the transition time. Will you increase your workouts? Add an evening walk? Take more baths? Find and read a new poetry book or take time to write some short stories? Vow to call a friend more regularly? Whatever you decide, ensure that you make a solid commitment to maintain your health and wellness during the time of change.

• Three Life Lines: Create a list of 3 ways in which you can strengthen your spiritual support system. These might include specific people you want to call on for support, spiritual reading material, time for prayer and reflection or listening to uplifting music.

1. Find Your Way Through a Mind Map or Cluster

Choose one word which summarizes the “place” (physical, mental or spiritual) that you want to be at the other end of the change you are currently facing – in other words, what one word describes your new beginning? Place that word in the middle of a page in your journal. From that word, branch off into another word (connecting it to the main word via a straight line). Then branch off into another word from the second word, and so on and so on until the train of thought ends. Return back to your main word and begin again until you’ve created a large diagram of words connected to a root word at the center. Now go back and take a highlighter and mark the words that have significance for you. Take those words, list then on the next page of your journal, and write about what they mean as you become the new person you need to be.

These three journaling techniques – brain dumping, list building and clustering – are powerful tools when writing to help navigate times of change. Use them often together for major or minor points of change in your life.

If you think about your favorite movies, chances are they tell the story you are currently living or desire to live. It may be on a subconscious level, but it still shows itself. The movie resonates with you because this is what you vibrate most of the time. What is that movie, that story you are vibrating, you are resonating with? If your current life story is one of lack and scarcity, then this is what you are vibrating, thus attracting into your life. if your current story is that of plenty, prosperity and an abundance of delights, then this is what you receive more of.

Life is abundant. All of life is abundant. You have abundance in your life. You may look around your life and all you see is want and not enough of anything. This may be a fact, but there is still abundance; just an abundance of what you are not happy with. You focus so long and consistently on the lack of everything in your life that you receive an abundance of lack in your life.

If you are not happy with your level of abundance, then it is time for you to make a conscious choice to focus on the level of abundance you will be happy with. This is your choice. You are not a victim of circumstances – unless you choose to be. Then, you are not a victim, you are a volunteer. Stop volunteering for a life of lack and net enough and choose the life you truly desire – an abundant life.

1. Live simply and live deliberately. By choosing not to get caught up in the details of this fast-paced world, you are doing your part to slow down. You will discover that you have more time to enjoy being alive.

2. Stay in touch with yourself. Soul searching, meditation, and journaling are just a few of the many activities you can take part in to stay aware and learn as much as you can about your emotions, reactions, likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears. Having a solid sense of self gives you a firm foundation for living in this world.

3. Support or teach others as often as you can. This can help you form connections with people while also giving you an opportunity to make the world a better place.

4. Consciously choose what you will allow into your being. The media bombards us with visions of hate, war, and pain. Be judicious about what you read, watch, and listen to.

5. Acknowledge the beauty that resides around you. Whether you live in a sprawling metropolis or a stereotypical suburb, there are natural and man-made wonders just waiting to be discovered by you.

6. Nurture your ties to your tribe. If you don’t have one, create a community that you can belong to. Modern life can be isolating. When you have a tribe, you have a circle that you are a part of. Its members – loved ones, friends, or neighbors – can be a source of support, caring, guidance, and companionship.

7. See the larger picture. Remember the way that you choose to live is not the only way to live. Widen your perspective by exploring other modes of being through research, travel, and discussion.

8. Embrace the challenges that life presents to you, and challenge yourself often. After a time, even the most exciting jobs or lifestyles can seem routine. Never stop assimilating new knowledge about whatever you are doing, and your life will never seem dull.

9. Move your body. In this busy world, it can be easy to live a sedentary life. Movement reacquaints us with our bodies and connects us to the earth in a visceral way. It also restores our vitality.

10. Make time for stillness, silence, and solitude. The world can be noisy, and we are subject to all kinds of noises nearly every waking hour. We are also often “on the go” and unable to relax. Being alone in a peaceful place and making time for quiet can help you stay in touch with yourself.

~ From the Daily OM

It may also seem difficult to be grateful for where you desire to go as you can’t feel grateful for what has not happened yet. If you have made the decision, then you desire is right here, though not in your conscious awareness. Perhaps there is a step you must take in preparation prior to receiving your desire. All in all, be grateful.

Imagine yourself at the bottom of a flight of stairs. Your desire is to ascend the flight and reach the top of the stairs. In order to reach the top of the stairs, you must take one step at a time. There is not way to ascend the entire flight and reach the top – unless you can fly! In order to reach the top of the stairs, you must take an action – lifting your foot and placing it on the next step. It is in the consistent action of lifting your feet that you achieve your goal and reach the top of the stairs.