You have heard it said that when you point the finger of blame, there are three fingers pointing right back at you. It is so easy to blame our circumstances and external events when things in our lives just aren’t going well. It is the fault of the economy, the government, my boss, my spouse, my Golden Retriever, the list goes on. Yet, there is one person we seem to leave off that list; and all you need do is look in the mirror. Now, unless you are a vampire, you will be looking at yourself.

It is your choices that have created the situations you are dealing with in your life. I know we don’t like to hear this, because it was someone else’s doings and undoings that created this situation. That may be the case, but you still made the choice to become involved. We do have choice. We do not have to show up to every argument, drama or negativity that we are invited to. The invitations on those are flowing. Sometimes it’s okay to just stay home.

You have the power to choose… choose wisely!

I love this quote! It reminds me so much of The Guest House by the Sufi poet Rumi. Trouble, adversity, pain and grief are companions on the journey of life; and we had better know how to deal with it when it arrives. Don’t fight against it, it will only persist and get worse. Just let it come, deliver its message and be on its way.

The Guest House ~ Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

How do you treat your guests – the pleasant and the not so pleasant?

Using Your Pain to Help Others

You can channel your pain into helping others and spreading a tide of curative energy throughout the world.

Pain is a fact of being and one that permeates all of our lives to some degree.
Since the hurt we feel may be a part of the experiences that have touched us
most deeply, we are often loathe to let it go. It is frequently easier to keep
our pain at our sides, where it acts as a shield that shelters us from others
and gives us an identity—that of victim—from which we can draw bitter strength.
However, pain’s universality can also empower us to use our hurt to help others
heal. Since no pain is any greater or more profound than any other, what you
feel can give you the ability to help bring about the recovery of individuals
whose hurts are both similar to and vastly different from your own. You can
channel your pain into transformative and healing love that aids you in helping
individuals on a one-to-one basis and spreading a tide of curative energy
throughout the world.

The capacity to heal others evolves naturally within those who are ready to
disassociate themselves from their identity as victims. In fact, the simple
decision to put aside the pain we have carried is what grants us the strength
to redeem that pain through service. There are many ways to use the hurt you
feel to help others. Your pain gives you a unique insight into the minds of
people who have experienced trauma and heartache. You can draw from the
wellspring of strength that allowed you to emerge on the other side of a
painful experience and pass that strength to individuals still suffering from
their wounds. You may be able to council individuals in need by showing them
the coping methods that have helped you survive or simply by offering sympathy.
A kinship can develop that allows you to relate more closely with those you are
trying to aid and comfort.

Helping others can be a restorative experience that makes your own heart grow
stronger. In channeling your pain into compassionate service and watching
others successfully recover, you may feel a sense of euphoria that leads to
increased feelings of self-worth and optimism. Your courageous decision to
reach out to others can be the best way to declare to yourself and the world
that your pain didn’t defeat you, and in fact it helped you heal.

~ From The Daily OM

It is from my own daily issues with chronic pain and all of my losses in life that has paved the way for the work I do with women in transition and those dealing with grief and loss and pain. And it has definitely helped me in my healing process – and continues to do so every day.

New schools… new family dynamics… new relationships… new jobs… new bodies… new projects…new perspectives…

September has always been a season of change for me. As a mother, wife, daughter, teacher and business professional, many opportunities for development and growth seem to present themselves in September in almost every aspect of my life. It’s up to me to choose which paths to follow. And, whether the upcoming changes are welcome or not, there’s something unsettling about change. So I find clarity and guidance in journal writing.

I’ve come to know that change occurs in its own time. We can “do” all sorts of stuff to try and control what happens in our lives. We can plan for change. We can resist change. We can avoid change. We can try to accelerate change. And through it all, we experience a full spectrum of emotion – anticipation, excitement, anxiety, frustration, sadness, dread, elation and joy. Whether we decide change is “good” or “bad” is entirely up to each of us individually. So in the end, when the rubber meets the road, we only have control over HOW we act when circumstances change in our lives. And, if our actions are indeed manifestations of our thoughts, then effectively managing change is simply a matter of changing our perspectives. Isn’t that what change is all about?

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Transition is a shift – an actual movement of our physical, mental and/or spiritual selves from one point to another. Journal writing can help us create shape for the change occurring in our lives – ultimately helping transition in a healthy manner.

The following journal writing tools are perfect for navigating change:

1. Use the Brain Dump to Gain Clarity

To effectively navigate transition, we actually start with the ending of a previous event, relationship or state of being. Putting our thoughts on paper helps us release emotion. I recommend rising a half hour earlier than you normally do each day to write. Find a quiet place with pen and paper and just write. Write whatever comes to mind – without judgment, without editing and without re-reading. Write for 20 to 30 minutes every day for one week. Explore your feelings about what is ending in your life, what is on the horizon and how you might manage to move forward. When I decided to downsize my home, the task at first seemed overwhelming. Through journaling about what I would miss about my current home, I was able to better leave it behind without regret. I was also able to “brain dump” all the anxiety I had about transitioning to a smaller space.

1. Build Lists to Build Action

List building is a powerful tool that can be used to prioritize tasks and plan the steps necessary to navigate through the transitioning period. I suggest constructing three sets of lists; taken in total, they are centered on the health of your physical, mental and spiritual selves and are designed to keep you grounded through unsettling times of change.

• Five Actions: Identify 5 major actions you need to take to successfully make the change you are facing. For each of the 5 major actions, pen a list of tasks for each. For my home downsizing, I used my journal to list my main change categories based on area of the house such as bedrooms, kitchen and outdoor areas. Under each major category, list the functional tasks needed to accomplish your goal in that area.

• Three Self-Care Solutions: List 3 ways you will nurture yourself during the transition time. Will you increase your workouts? Add an evening walk? Take more baths? Find and read a new poetry book or take time to write some short stories? Vow to call a friend more regularly? Whatever you decide, ensure that you make a solid commitment to maintain your health and wellness during the time of change.

• Three Life Lines: Create a list of 3 ways in which you can strengthen your spiritual support system. These might include specific people you want to call on for support, spiritual reading material, time for prayer and reflection or listening to uplifting music.

1. Find Your Way Through a Mind Map or Cluster

Choose one word which summarizes the “place” (physical, mental or spiritual) that you want to be at the other end of the change you are currently facing – in other words, what one word describes your new beginning? Place that word in the middle of a page in your journal. From that word, branch off into another word (connecting it to the main word via a straight line). Then branch off into another word from the second word, and so on and so on until the train of thought ends. Return back to your main word and begin again until you’ve created a large diagram of words connected to a root word at the center. Now go back and take a highlighter and mark the words that have significance for you. Take those words, list then on the next page of your journal, and write about what they mean as you become the new person you need to be.

These three journaling techniques – brain dumping, list building and clustering – are powerful tools when writing to help navigate times of change. Use them often together for major or minor points of change in your life.

If you think about your favorite movies, chances are they tell the story you are currently living or desire to live. It may be on a subconscious level, but it still shows itself. The movie resonates with you because this is what you vibrate most of the time. What is that movie, that story you are vibrating, you are resonating with? If your current life story is one of lack and scarcity, then this is what you are vibrating, thus attracting into your life. if your current story is that of plenty, prosperity and an abundance of delights, then this is what you receive more of.

Life is abundant. All of life is abundant. You have abundance in your life. You may look around your life and all you see is want and not enough of anything. This may be a fact, but there is still abundance; just an abundance of what you are not happy with. You focus so long and consistently on the lack of everything in your life that you receive an abundance of lack in your life.

If you are not happy with your level of abundance, then it is time for you to make a conscious choice to focus on the level of abundance you will be happy with. This is your choice. You are not a victim of circumstances – unless you choose to be. Then, you are not a victim, you are a volunteer. Stop volunteering for a life of lack and net enough and choose the life you truly desire – an abundant life.

1. Live simply and live deliberately. By choosing not to get caught up in the details of this fast-paced world, you are doing your part to slow down. You will discover that you have more time to enjoy being alive.

2. Stay in touch with yourself. Soul searching, meditation, and journaling are just a few of the many activities you can take part in to stay aware and learn as much as you can about your emotions, reactions, likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears. Having a solid sense of self gives you a firm foundation for living in this world.

3. Support or teach others as often as you can. This can help you form connections with people while also giving you an opportunity to make the world a better place.

4. Consciously choose what you will allow into your being. The media bombards us with visions of hate, war, and pain. Be judicious about what you read, watch, and listen to.

5. Acknowledge the beauty that resides around you. Whether you live in a sprawling metropolis or a stereotypical suburb, there are natural and man-made wonders just waiting to be discovered by you.

6. Nurture your ties to your tribe. If you don’t have one, create a community that you can belong to. Modern life can be isolating. When you have a tribe, you have a circle that you are a part of. Its members – loved ones, friends, or neighbors – can be a source of support, caring, guidance, and companionship.

7. See the larger picture. Remember the way that you choose to live is not the only way to live. Widen your perspective by exploring other modes of being through research, travel, and discussion.

8. Embrace the challenges that life presents to you, and challenge yourself often. After a time, even the most exciting jobs or lifestyles can seem routine. Never stop assimilating new knowledge about whatever you are doing, and your life will never seem dull.

9. Move your body. In this busy world, it can be easy to live a sedentary life. Movement reacquaints us with our bodies and connects us to the earth in a visceral way. It also restores our vitality.

10. Make time for stillness, silence, and solitude. The world can be noisy, and we are subject to all kinds of noises nearly every waking hour. We are also often “on the go” and unable to relax. Being alone in a peaceful place and making time for quiet can help you stay in touch with yourself.

~ From the Daily OM

It may also seem difficult to be grateful for where you desire to go as you can’t feel grateful for what has not happened yet. If you have made the decision, then you desire is right here, though not in your conscious awareness. Perhaps there is a step you must take in preparation prior to receiving your desire. All in all, be grateful.

Imagine yourself at the bottom of a flight of stairs. Your desire is to ascend the flight and reach the top of the stairs. In order to reach the top of the stairs, you must take one step at a time. There is not way to ascend the entire flight and reach the top – unless you can fly! In order to reach the top of the stairs, you must take an action – lifting your foot and placing it on the next step. It is in the consistent action of lifting your feet that you achieve your goal and reach the top of the stairs.

If you want to have peace in your immediate world – in your family, in your work life, in your spiritual life – then you must first be the peace you wish to have. You cannot want peace in your life and constantly be in a state of chaotic stress and yelling bouts. Once you calm down to the level of peace you want to see, you will be amazed at how your immediate surroundings will match your level of peace.

It has been said that you cannot fight fire with fire. How many times have you raised your voice either to be heard or to get your point across – or both? What did the other person do? I can bet they raised their voice as well; perhaps even louder. Soon you were just two people yelling at one another; no one was actually listening to the other. This is not peace; this is not even conversation. It is two very loud monologues. Not very productive, I must say. But what if you lowered your voice instead of raising it? Or, what if you just stopped talking for a moment and simply listened? Yes, a novel idea! But what tends to happen is true conversation, true dialogue; not two angry and loud monologues. If you truly want peace, you must make the effort to create peace in your environment.

Ever noticed that when you whisper to someone, they will whisper back; and even ask, “Why are we whispering?” Pretty funny! But it is the power of being what you want to have. You want to have peace, you must be peace. You want to have health, you must be health. You want to have love, you must be love. You will never receive back what you yourself are not willing to give. It is in giving that we receive, as the prayer states.

So, just for today, be the peace, the love, the change you wish to see in the world.

Touching the stillness means taking a sacred pause to access the sacred presence. Our lives have become full of busy work and methods to distract us from touching what is too painful and too raw. When we can stop and come back to presence, we begin to access that part of ourselves that we have lost touch with.

In the daily busyness, we lose ourselves in the process. Our authentic selves get covered over with those things only designed to distract and disconnect us from our truth. in order to avoid touching what feels like too much, we medicate through addictive behaviors – food, drugs, alcohol, sex, people pleasing, shopping, and work, just to name a few.

When we can take a mental time out to stop and be fully in this present moment, then we can though that part of us designed to help us through the pain and the hurt. Our tendency is to avoid altogether and not even think about it. But what gets buried alive never dies; it only returns in later days in uglier ways.

Learning to take time to pause and be present on a consistent basis armors you for those moments when you feel like escaping the pain. You don’t have to escape into a world of addictions and crutches; you can access your own sacredness and stillness by pausing and being fully present.

So, just for today, STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and just BE!

1. We don’t ask because we don’t know what to ask for. More often than not, we don’t know what it is that we want to be, to do or to have. We know what we do not want – which is more of the same of what we already have. The best remedy is to start with what you do not want and flip it around. What is the exact opposite? If it’s debt that you don’t want; then you want financial freedom.

2. We don’t ask because we fear being rejected or disappointed. We remember the pain of rejection and disappointment far too well, so we tend to steer clear of asking for what we truly want. One way to combat this is to stop asking those who cannot grant it. There is a wonderful slogan in the recovery movement: “Stop going to the hardware store looking for oranges!” If you know there is someone in your life that is emotionally detached or cold, then don’t go to that person looking for hugs and kisses! You are only setting yourself up for disappointment and rejection.

3. We don’t ask because we don’t believe we deserve it or are worthy of having it. This is a faulty belief a lot of people have bought into because it has been programmed in their minds as children. As a child, you were a victim of your circumstances. As an adult, you have choices. You can choose to question those beliefs that keep you stuck and prevent you from having what you truly desire. If you do not question, then you risk remaining stuck and living a very small life that is someone else’s story.

Begin by asking yourself. This is safe and there is no chance of rejection. When you ask a question, rather than simply making a statement, the mind immediately goes to work to retrieve an answer for you. Your own marvelous mind will bring into your awareness the people, the resources or the circumstances to grant your request. Because your mind knows better than you do consciously, you can literally ask and it will be given.