The Guest House

The Guest House ~ Rumi

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice –

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes,

because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

The Sufi poet Rumi had shocking yet profoundly wise perspective on the dark side of life. We will be met with those dark shadows that accompany the pains of life. Our humanness says to ignore them, avoid them, deny them or worse, medicate them with some addictive distraction.

Rumi exhorts us to become a guest house and treat them all as honored guests because they have come to rid us of our nonessentials. In all of that, we are to be grateful as well because each “guest” is a divine visitor, coming to share some wisdom to bring us to a new level of awareness.

Honoring Your Pain

From my years of experiencing the pains of life, from both sides – as one living with pain and as one journeying with another in their pain – one of the most common yet troubling issues is not being allowed to honor your pain. As a Western society, we are encouraged to quickly and quietly get help and just as quickly get over it. Well unfortunately, it does not work that way and for so long people in pain have been pressed down into the cookie cutter shape of a process that just does not work.

Pain – be it physical, emotional, financial or spiritual – does not come into your life merely for pain’s sake. Pain comes to alert you to a new season of growth, new opportunities and deeper awarenesses. Pain doesn’t show up on your doorstep just to piss you off; yet this is how we have been taught to react to it, like an annoyance. So we brush it off, deny it, ignore it, avoid it, or medicate it away. But if there is one lesson pain has taught me over the years it’s that pain is not immediately dealt with, it will come back and demand to be dealt with. It does not simply go away quietly; it comes back in later days and in much deeper ways.

As one who has journeyed with physical pain, emotional pain, financial pain and spiritual pain, I can tell you there is absolutely nothing inherently pretty or wonderful about pain. It is raw, deep, troubling, unpredictable, messy, and unrelenting. Pain is also one of the loneliest places to be. But if you simply stop at the surface, you would totally lose the growth opportunity built inside every moment of the pain. So, how do you go from the awful truth of pain to the deeper lessons and blessings of pain?

First, simply stop. Pain is an alert and our innate programming says to stop at an alert or an alarm of any kind. The problem is we stop only long enough to assess and react. Instead of stopping to reflect, we stop to react. This is a truly reflective moment and it is built into the systems of each one of us, of who we are. Most people have learned to circumvent the system and rewire the entire process. This has led to a dramatic downfall in our society, leading to what I call a “pain disillusion”.

Stopping is a spiritual act and pain is a spiritual alert.

Second, you must recognize the pain. As you stop, acknowledge that pain has come to visit. Simply be with the pain – this pain in my back; this pain in my knee; this pain from the death of my loved one; this pain from not enough money to pay the bills this month. Recognizing your pain gives honor to it. It makes it real and when it is real, you can begin to deal with it. Until it becomes real, it is a phantom that lurks in the background wrecking havoc on your life. Not that you will love this pain being in your life; but what you can honor and appreciate is this is your moment to grow and become a brighter you.

Then, allow the pain by asking some questions of it. If an unexpected visitor came to your door, you wouldn’t slam the door in his face – unless you perceived the threat of danger. You would ask why he has come; what is the purpose of this unexpected visit. Ask the same of your pain, you unexpected and uninvited guest. Again, your pain does not come just for the sake of pain; it comes as a season of growth and renewal.

When you can stop, recognize and allow your pain, you are truly honoring your pain. In my many years of living and dealing with pain, when I fought against the pain, the pain would persist. The more I fought, the louder the pain got. The moment I honored my pain, the moment I befriended my uninvited guest, it softened, shared its story and alleviated. Truly profound!

What you resist, persists;

But what you befriend, you transcend!

© 2011 Carolyn D. Townes. Excerpt from the forthcoming “Dark Side of the Law of Attraction”.